Politeness

Åpne bilde i et nytt vindu

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Bilde: Tone Hesjedal

You will have heard that British people are famous for their politeness. This may be difficult to believe if you observe a political debate in the House of Commons or attend a football match, but you will experience it first-hand if you visit the country. If you brush past someone in a shop without the obligatory “excuse me” or walk past someone holding a door open without saying “thank you” it is likely to be commented on, or tutted. Rushing to the front of a queue is frowned upon, and you can expect meaningful looks if you hold on to your seat on public transport while someone elderly has to stand. The British pride themselves on their politeness, and this is also reflected in the language.

When speaking English, there are a number of ways to express politeness, and this is especially important when making requests. If we are respectful and polite, we are more likely to achieve what we want.

Using words and phrases like "please" and "thank you" is important when we want to be polite. Consider the following two sentences:

Please, can you help me for a minute?
Can you help me for a minute?

"Please" softens the request and makes it clear to the other person that we know we are imposing on their time. Similarly, saying "thank you" signals that we respect that they have made an effort on our behalf, and that we appreciate it.

We can make a request more polite by indicating to the other person that they are entirely free to refuse. Compare the following two sentences:

Could you tell me the time?
Please, tell me the time.

Neither sentence is rude, but the first is the most polite. In the second sentence, we are signalling that we think the other person knows what time it is, and we are asking them to tell us. By being this direct we are leaving the other person with only two options: tell us the time or be rude and refuse to tell us. In the first sentence we are allowing for the possibility that the person does not know the time, or that for some other reason they are unable to tell us. We are allowing the other person more room to politely accept or refuse our request.

Being direct is often associated with being blunt or rude, so making a statement less direct is one way to show politeness in English. Compare the following sentences:

I was hoping to stay for a few days.
Can I stay for a few days?

In the first sentence, we see that the past tense is used to signal distance. The other person is not being pushed into giving a yes-or-no answer. This makes the first sentence more polite than the second.

We can also use progressive forms to create polite distance. Compare the following sentences:

Will you be needing anything else?
Do you need anything else?

Using "will you be" invites the other person to think about what they are likely to need in the near future. The second sentence is more direct, asking if there is something they need right now.

For a Norwegian it is very easy to opt for the word "can" when making requests, as it is similar to the Norwegian word kan. We should be aware that "could" or "may" is more polite when making requests. Compare the following sentences:

Can you hand me that projector?
Could you hand me that projector?

"Can" was originally primarily used to ask about ability, so the first sentence can be interpreted as "are you able to hand me the projector" and a refusal would say something about the other persons ability. "Could", on the other hand, uses the past tense to create a polite distance.

It is not only when making requests that we need to be polite. Also when we are voicing our opinions we should be respectful of others.

By voicing your opinion as a question, you are less likely to offend someone. Compare the following sentences:

It would be better to walk there so we don't have to park.
Should we walk there so that we don't have to think about parking?

A disadvantage of this approach is that we may seem unable to make decisions, or that we are overly reliant on the opinion of others. Another way to make a polite statement is to signal that this is what you think now, but that you are open to being persuaded. Compare the next sentences:

In my opinion, the house should be painted yellow.
We should paint the house yellow.

"In my opinion" shows that this is a personally held belief, signalling that you will respect that other people think differently. In the first sentence, we also see the use of the progressive form "be painted" which increases the level of politeness.

We can also create polite distance by making our opinion conditional on something else happening. Compare the two sentences:

It will look better if we paint it yellow.
Painting it yellow will make it look better.

In the first sentence, we are indicating that painting the house is something hypothetical, "if we paint it". The second statement indicates that we are certain that painting the house yellow is the right thing to do. It is more assertive and leaves less room for the other person's opinion.

It is also possible to express politeness by using softening expressions. Examples of softening expressions are "quite", "maybe", "perhaps", and" I think". Compare the two sentences:

I think perhaps these trousers are too expensive.
These trousers are too expensive.

In the first example, we show that we are not sure the garment is too expensive – perhaps it is made in a way that explains the high price? The second sentence is simply saying that the trousers are too expensive, we are not open to being reasoned with; no matter how the trousers were made, or what they are made of, we think that they are too expensive.

In Norway it is an ideal to see everyone as equal, and to be able to express oneself clearly and to the point. When working abroad, this can cause problems as others are likely to perceive our lack of deference as rudeness.

Politeness is about making room for others and showing respect for their time and efforts. We show politeness through what we say and what we do. We can put strangers at ease, and we may establish good working relationships.