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Listen Mr Oxford Don by John Agard

John Agard was born in Guyana but immigrated to Britain in 1977. Agard writes plays, poems, and short stories, and he often writes about being Black in a white environment. The following poem investigates issues of language, ethnicity, and immigration in a subversive and humorous way.

This poem is written phonetically to reflect the Caribbean accent of the poet. It is best appreciated when read aloud or listened to. Follow the link to listen to John Agard reading his poem.

Link to 'Listen Mr. Oxford Don' by John Agard

The British-Caribbean poet John Agard is reading from one of his books. He's a coloured man with a grey beard. Photo.
The British-Caribbean poet John Agard reading his poems. Govva: Hamtun_Eye / CC BY-SA 4.0

Listen Mr Oxford Don

Me not no Oxford don
me a simple immigrant
from Clapham Common
I didn’t graduate
I immigrate

But listen Mr Oxford don
I’m a man on de run
and a man on de run
is a dangerous one

I ent have no gun
I ent have no knife
but mugging de Queen’s English
is the story of my life

I don’t need to axe
to split/ up yu syntax
I don’t need no hammer
to mash/ up yu grammar

I warning you Mr Oxford don
I’m a wanted man
and a wanted man
is a dangerous one

Dem accuse me of assault
on de Oxford dictionary/
imagine a concise peaceful man like me/
dem want me serve time
for inciting rhyme to riot
but I tekking it quiet
down here in Clapham Common

I’m not a violent man Mr Oxford don
I only armed wit mih human breath
but human breath
is a dangerous weapon

So mek dem send one big word after me
I ent serving no jail sentence
I slashing suffix in self-defence
I bashing future wit present tense
and if necessary

I making de Queen’s English accessory/ to my offence

Copyright © John Agard
Bloodaxe Books

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